Question:
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year now Valentine’s day is approaching and he wants to do something special.  We’ve been talking about our relationship a lot lately.  We’ve even talked about having sex.  I’m only 17 and feel too young to be having sex.  Is there anything wrong with me saying I want to wait?  I feel like he wants to do it but I’m not sure if I’m ready.  He says for Valentines Day he wants to spend some time alone together.  I think he’s planning on taking me to dinner and a hotel.  I’m really not sure how to handle the situation.

Answer: 

Let me ask you a few questions before answering yours. What is the meaning of sex for you?  How will you describe your relationship with your boyfriend?  How  do you define love and is it an important factor in your relationship? Can you handle the consequences or outcome of your actions regardless?  Are you doing it because of the pressure from your boyfriend?

Let us discuss some potential answers.  The mere fact that you mentioned you are too young could simply mean that you are not ready.  There is nothing wrong with saying "I want to wait."  If your boyfriend cannot have you, nobody else will.  If having sex for you and him is to simply satisfy your lust then once again, it is for the wrong reasons.  Close your eyes and picture yourself as a bride on your wedding day…walking down the aisle in your white gown, your veil covering your face and holding a bouquet of flowers in your hands.  You are righteous and unblemished and your virginity is your most precious gift to your groom.  At the end of the aisle is your boyfriend waiting to be united with you in the sacrament of marriage…longing for the much awaited gift that he sacrificed not to have until this day.  You will both hear God's voice telling you "Well done, my faithful and trusted servants."

As Christopher West said in a teaching of the Theology of Body: "bet you would not imagine using the words Holy Eucharist and Sex in the same sentence."  At the consecration of the bread at mass, when the priest says, "This is my body which will be given up for you", this is the comparison to the act of sexual intercourse wherein you are telling your spouse as well "this is my body which I am giving up for you" and at that very moment, your bodies become as one…with the Holy Spirit in your midst because your union is based on love for each other.

This brings us to the next question "Are you able to handle the consequences of your actions?  When you wait to have sex after you are married, there are no consequences because you are ready for anything that the Lord wants for you.  If you get pregnant, it should be welcomed because that is the original purpose of sex for God, to procreate. According to Pope John Paul II, God gave us sexual desire "in the beginning," to be the very power to love in the image of God through the sincere gift of self.

Animals cannot say no to their urge to mate and that is why we spay or neuter our pets.  As human beings, this is how we can show our superiority over animals.  This is the key differences between animals and human beings, God's gift and our responsibility that comes with free will.  We are not bound by instinct like animals.  We can determine our own actions.  We can say "yes" or "no" to any behavior.  If we cannot say no, then we are not free.  Our society has much to say about sexual freedom.  In the popular sense, sexual freedom means the license to have sex without ever having to say no.  This is not sexual freedom, this is bondage to lust.

Many people feel that in order to have a healthy relationship you must be having sex.  This idea is completely false.  Sex is great!  But sex is never required in order to sustain any relationship.   Many people live life without sex and have very fruitful relationships.  The only time when one should rightly expect to have sex is in the union of marriage. 

“Human life, by its nature, is 'co educative” (Theology of the Body, Oct 8, 1980).  By this  John Paul II means that the sexes need one another, and they need to learn to love one another rightly if human life is to maintain its proper dignity and balance. 

I guess the question now is who would you rather disappoint, your boyfriend or God?